I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
