I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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