all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
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