I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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