His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
