she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
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You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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