The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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