If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
