I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
