It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
