she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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