Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Shame - the story of my life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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