turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
