my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
