I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
