I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
