you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
