why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
