for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
