Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
