Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
