just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
