ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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