4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
