i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Let's get the cat blown out
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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