I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
