Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
