think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
