You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
