I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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