I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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