I was born with a shot glass in my hand
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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