Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
