Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.