making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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