White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
