can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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