You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
