Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
