We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Randomize
