so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
