I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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