Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
