Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
