TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
