Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
