my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
