At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
