i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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