Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
