i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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