Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
