i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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