I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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