Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
His nipple licking is glorious
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