so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
