the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
