I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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