I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
