He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
