he puts the penis in happiness.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
