dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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