just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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