I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you didnt know i had herpes?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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