I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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