that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
