I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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