Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
