You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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