some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
