areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
