He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
