i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
