im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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