So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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