You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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