do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
