My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
