There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
